They say fear’s healthy, giving us the survival instincts we need to stay safe.
I’ve been afraid of lots of things and faced them anyway. It’s the way I’m wired. Years ago when I fronted an alt/rock band for example, I’d have coughing fits each time I had to go on stage. Seriously, I’d cough and cough, anxiety ripping through me. But, the moment I stepped out, you’d be none the wiser.
Despite my ability to grab hold of fear, there was one thing I kept being afraid of . . .
I was afraid of doing what I really wanted to do.
I was afraid of writing what and how I truly wanted to write and how it’d be received. Scared of sharing what I wanted to and not sharing what I thought I should. I was anxious about slowing down my social media activity and what it’d be like starting a new business if I wasn’t always locked on to these platforms. I stressed out about changes in my life, how I was going to learn two new languages in a snap, what it’d mean to be a wife, how to protect my plants from frickin fungus gnat flies and their damn larvae . . .
There was a lot I was low-key worrying about.
As the months went on and we all dealt with the effects of Covid-19, my mum’s words kept coming back to me: “Take it one day at a time Jackie; whatever you do, enjoy your life; don’t let challenges change that.” She says this or a variation of it every time we talk or she sends a voice note. It’s a mantra that’s become stuck in my head and I often remember it even when I’m having a rough day. I’ve realised even those days have their place when you’re on path.
I’m on path.
Knowing I’m on the path I’m supposed to be on is one of the major reasons I no longer feel afraid. I still have anxiety or concern when I’m about to do something new. I still want to hide away at times. Even today as I write this I’m wondering – are you really going to be the face of your company? Do you want to be that visible again? *Shivers*.
Now I recognise those fears, that worry, is no longer a negative thing. It’s pushing me to improve, to step outside my comfort zone and get stuck in.
Even sharing more of my writing again has been a major step for me. I hadn’t shared prose regularly for nearly five years. Taking the bull by the horns in October 2020 and sharing chapters from a story for thirty days helped me overcome this hurdle. This fear.
It’s the end of 2020 and I’m not afraid anymore.
It’s part of my New Year path too. I’m taking one day at a time, opportunities and challenges as they come, and remembering to revel in the blessing of being able to live the way I want to. 2021 can come as it pleases, I’m ready to be ready :).
Wishing you all a fantastically Happy New Year! For the beautiful times and the challenging ones, I hope you have the strength, love, and determination to walk your path in a way that best serves you and the life you want to create :).
The next Pages Unforgotten post is on Jan 7. For others like this one: How I Got Here and Why I May Not Stay | Scrolling for Likes and Other Social Media Disasters | Don’t Put Off That Thing You’re Putting Off
Multi-genre reads available on my Fiction page :).