Seems easy enough right? Then why do we do it so often in so many areas of our lives?
Settling has become like second nature to us, we figure, ‘oh well, not getting what I really want, but this alternative is kind of like it so why not?’ One of the reasons it’s not that great an idea to settle is because often we’re always longing for more. We want to see the greener grass, that place where we feel what we really want is. We obsess about it, develop grudges within our reality and wonder why oh why did we ever . . . settle.
I haven’t been in a serious or intimate relationship for a few years. When I say this to people they get this shocked look on their faces (unless of course they’re either in the same boat or further along than I am). Some of them ask me why or how could I possibly not be with someone for such a long time. Yes, the latter question is more common than you might think. My answer is usually pretty simple: I don’t want to settle. Sure for some that may sound harsh, some may take it as me believing I’m above others and can only be touched by the snobbiest of silk covered pillows haha. This isn’t the case in the least, so, let me explain why I’d be single for years more if necessary, as opposed to settling for the kind of relationship I don’t really want.
I spent years as a cliché – looking for love in all the wrong places. I wasn’t really ready for it, you can’t really be if you can barely understand yourself. After another sad breakup and a subsequent nonsensical fling, I decided I was simply done. I was done trying to find this golden ticket to relationship happiness. I thought about exactly what I wanted in a partner and decided that’s what I would go for, anything less was unacceptable. And no, I don’t have crazy expectations that the average human couldn’t adhere to, but they’re certain things I feel I need to be happy in a relationship. Hence, no settling.
Relationships are just one aspect though. We settle for various measures of unhappiness all the time. Want a small silly one? So you hate buying lunches from the sandwich cart, the lettuce is always mushy and old or something like that. Then make your own, no settling, problem solved. Can you imagine if we tried to work around and improve all the little (and big) things we settle on all the time? How much happier would we be? Let’s find out.
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